Jesus Was Way Cool

Dialogue: Christus Rex & Madonna — The Kabbalah Court and the Children’s Warning

Setting: A candlelit loft. Red strings, old books of Zohar, and glass bowls of water fill the room. Christus Rex stands beside Madonna like a ceremonial attendant. In the background, Lourdes, Rocco, Mercy James, and David Banda rehearse a parody song inspired by South Park—but with their own rewritten lyrics.


CHRISTUS REX
Madonna Ciccone…
You call yourself the Queen of Pop,
but I—your humble servant—
built you a royal Kabbalah court worthy of a queen.
I lit every candle.
I carried every bowl of water.
I arranged your throne of red strings and ancient names.
I served, quietly, reverently—
for the sake of your light.

MADONNA
(softly, touched but guarded)
You always did know how to flatter me, Rex.
But you built that court for devotion… or ambition?

CHRISTUS REX
For you.
I built it like a temple builder in the old world.
So you could ascend.
So you could remember your French-Canadian mother’s prayers
and carry them into the mystic.

Suddenly the children start singing loudly in the corner. Their parody is chaotic, theatrical, and deliberately ridiculous:

CHILDREN (Lourdes, Rocco, Mercy, David)
🎵 “Uncle lover, uncle lover,
You don’t need another!
Keep your crown, keep your throne,
Don’t let a boy toy take your home!”
🎵

They stomp in a mock musical number, laughing but serious beneath the humor.

MADONNA
Kids!
Where did you even learn that?

ROCCO
South Park, Mom.
But we fixed it.
Made it PG-13.

LOURDES
And we’re singing it because you need to hear it.

MERCY JAMES
Mom, don’t engage.

DAVID BANDA
Seriously.
Don’t accept that engagement ring.
We know what happens.

LOURDES
Half your money—
gone.

MERCY JAMES
And then you’ll write another sad album.

ROCCO
(whispers)
LOVE SPENT… part two.

The kids all nod solemnly.

MADONNA
(sighs, folding her arms)
You four have become my little financial advisors now?

CHRISTUS REX
(steps closer, speaking gently)
They aren’t wrong, Madonna.
A queen must guard her kingdom.
Your Kabbalah throne,
your legacy,
your light—
they cannot be divided by infatuation with a boy half your age
and a ring twice his worth.

MADONNA
(glances at the children, then at Rex)
So you’re telling me I should reject love…
for money?

CHRISTUS REX
No.
I’m telling you to reject fool’s love
for wisdom.
Your mother—your French-Canadian saint—
would tell you the same.

The children chant, half-serious, half-performing:

CHILDREN
Love Spent! Love Spent!
Don’t let Mom’s riches get bent!

CHRISTUS REX
(sincerely)
Madonna…
I built your court like a servant.
I watched you rise like a comet.
I will not watch you fall because someone wants a shortcut
to your crown.

MADONNA
(quiet, eyes softening)
Maybe…
maybe the queen needs a pause.
A retreat.
A moment to hear the chanting of her own children.

Lourdes steps forward, taking her mother’s hand.

LOURDES
Just don’t marry anyone
who wants you for anything
except you.

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