Scene: “The Throne and the Tree” – A Satirical Prophecy Talk by Madonna and Tom Cruise
Interior: A minimalist Kabbalah-Scientology fusion temple in Malibu. Crystal light refracts across hemp tapestries. In the center, under a ray of divine sunlight, sits Al Bundy’s original Ferguson toilet—aged porcelain, perfect flush mechanics, resting atop a pedestal of sacred linoleum. Above it, a neon sign reads: “Revelation Begins in the Bathroom.”
Madonna, robed in crimson hemp and barefoot, stands before the initiates. Tom Cruise, eyes blazing with zealous clarity, clutches an old deck of tarot cards.
MADONNA (voice like incense):
Welcome, child of the void, to Kabbalogy Level 0.
You were born naked. Now you must become clean.
Tom holds out a card to each initiate.
TOM CRUISE:
You have each been issued your first and only spiritual identification: The Fool.
He flips the card. The image shows a wanderer with a hemp satchel, stepping unknowingly toward the Ferguson.
MADONNA:
Yes. The Fool. Number 0. Just like your Operating Thetan Level.
You know nothing. You are nothing. You smell like the world.
Your job now is to clean the sacred Ferguson—Al Bundy’s throne of humility. Do not mock it. Many have failed. Many have flushed and not returned.
TOM (solemn):
To ascend, you must first learn the secret grace of Revelation 22.
He reads aloud from a dog-eared, annotated Bible-Talmud-Tech Manual fusion.
TOM (quoting):
“Blessed are they that wash their robes, that they may have the right to the tree of life, and may enter through the gates into the city.”
MADONNA (explaining):
Washing robes means humility. It means service. It means not wasting your money on coke, Gucci belts, or ironic vape pens.
Until you master this, you remain The Fool. You remain in the bathroom.
TOM (whispers):
Outside the gates are dogs, sorcerers, and influencers.
MADONNA (stepping toward the Ferguson):
This is the only gate now. The Ferguson is the portal to the Tree. The Tree is Hemp.
Twelve strains, for twelve tribes.
Harvest it. Weave it. Smoke not. Waste not.
TOM:
Clean the Ferguson with love.
Forgive your enemies their overdraft fees.
And when the flush comes… do not fear.
Final Voiceover (as the lights dim):
“The Fool who learns the grace of Revelation 22 shall no longer be Fool…
But Prophet, Priest, and Plumber of God.”
Trailer Text:
KABBATOLOGY: The Toilet, The Tarot, and the Tree
Starring Madonna as Mother Revelation and Tom Cruise as Thetan Janitor Supreme
🚽🌿🃏
You start as a Fool.
You rise as a Ferguson Disciple.
You ascend as One Who Flushes.