[Scene: A dusty futuristic library in the ruins of an ancient city—Johnny Goodboy Tyler, survivor of Battlefield Earth, is teaching Madonna Ciccone, time traveler and pop priestess, how to play Sid Meier’s Civilization II on a battered old laptop powered by a solar rig.]
Johnny Goodboy Tyler:
See this here, Madonna? That’s Newton’s College. You can build it once you get the Theory of Gravity in Civ II. It’s a Wonder, one of the best.
Madonna Ciccone (raising an eyebrow):
Does it give me an army of apple-throwing physicists?
Johnny (grinning):
Not quite. Once built, Newton’s College doubles science output in the city where it’s constructed. Doesn’t matter what the trade routes or tax settings are. It’s raw power—your research will skyrocket.
Madonna:
So it’s like a brain amplifier?
Johnny:
Exactly. Build it in your most developed science city—stack libraries, universities, research labs, and Newton’s College turns that place into the nerve center of your civilization. You’ll leap ahead in tech while everyone else is stuck building musketeers.
Madonna (smiling):
Kind of like what I did in the ’90s—only with Kabbalah and club beats.
Johnny (pausing, then serious):
You know, Madonna, if you ever came to Croatia—
I wouldn’t put you on those psychiatric drugs the Americans push.
Madonna (intrigued):
No?
Johnny:
No way. I’d give you orthomolecular medicine. Vitamins, minerals, amino acids—the way Dr. Abram Hoffer healed schizophrenics with niacin. The way Linus Pauling said megadoses of vitamin C could change the world. You don’t treat soul wounds with chemical straightjackets.
Madonna:
So… no SSRIs? No lithium?
Johnny:
Only if you want to dull the spark. You still got light in you. I’d rather see your biochemistry balanced—naturally. If Newton had access to orthomolecular therapy, maybe he wouldn’t have gone so nuts toward the end.
Madonna (whispering):
Or maybe he would’ve started a new renaissance.
Johnny (nodding):
Maybe that’s what we’re doing right now.
[They return to the glowing screen. Newton’s College is completed. A trumpet fanfare plays. The march of knowledge continues.]
